2012

"Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that God is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don't spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don't get stuck in the past, and don't try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven't yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life's path."

- Shauna Niequist

Oooooh

I really like this.

prettymaps (paris)

by: Aaron Straup Cope

A Few of My Favorite Things.

A really great sunset. And palm trees.

Traditional photos.

2005

2010

Adirondack chairs (snow optional)

Things that look inappropriate.

Making collars for my really cute dog and my really cute dog.

The Marina and the Color Accent feature on my camera.

I Would Like to Live Here...

Evolution of a Baby Blanket

My friend Traci is having a baby girl! She is due in 13 weeks!

This weekend was her Baby Shower. My giving love language is gift giving. (I've never actually taken the quiz, but I know it's true.)

I try and put a lot of thought into giving gifts and I often make gifts for people. I love when people put thought into gifts for me as well!

I decided that I wanted to crochet a baby blanket for Traci. I found a pattern that I really liked online and went for it. I actually have never followed a pattern before, seriously. It's like my brain just can't figure it out. There are so many abbreviated crocheting terms and I don't know what any of them mean. Luckily this pattern was a straight line (which I am GREAT at!).

I used Bernat Baby yarn in pink sparkle. I used two strands at once so it would be softer.

Making progress!

The blanket is finished! The original pattern I found used special ruffle yarn. A quick google search of how to make ruffles and a mini lesson from Rebekah on how to Triple Crochet and I was in business!

Allll finished!!

Traci with the baby blaket!

Daily Inspiration.

Daily Inspiration from the Mouth of a Black Man (1): changes can happen and it would be fine or things will stay the same and you will also be just fine. -Shawn

The Fair!

Game Faces

Aaaaand go!

Ohhhh we lost.

Los Angeles

I have never thought Los Angeles was beautiful. That's not true. One time I did.

It was Halloween night in 2009 and I was driving into the city from the South, which is odd because I live north of the city. For some reason from that angle at night time, I actually thought L.A. was beautiful.

This is L.A. from the Griffith Observatory. It's kind of pretty from up here too.

Gwen

This is my friend Gwen.
She turned 8 last week.
She's pretty awesome.
She likes poodles.

Break Me Through

Bebo Norman

Today I woke up early, today I woke up sad
It's funny how it hurts me, the love I've never had
But I can feel you breaking me through this mess
I can feel you through this loneliness

Show me that
Life shines with you
You show me that
Life shines with you
Break me through

I think that I can hear it
Is it a trumpet or a train
And now I'm drawing near it
And it's calling out my name
I got nothing to lose
I got nothing to prove in this mess
There's nothing to lose
But all this emptiness

If I had a ladder
To reach up to the sky
I would climb up there forever
It would just be you and I
And I would feel you
Breaking me through this mess
I would feel you
Through this loneliness

I'd rather be a comma than a full stop...

For a while now I have been feeling angsty about my life and how it feels like I am in a constant state of transition. It is not a feeling I enjoy. There are currently things up in the air for me that I have absolutely no say over. There is nothing I can do. I realize that this can be interpreted as having control issues, but I assure you that is not the case.

Coldplay has a new song and one of the lyrics says, "i'd rather be a comma than a full stop." For some reason I have been thinking about this a lot. I don't think being a full stop is a bad thing, but I've come to the realization that change makes me feel alive. I am glad to be going through change (obviously not at the time). It reminds me that I'm not stuck in some terrible situation where I have no hope and nothing can change. It can change, and it does.

The ability to experience change is terrible and wonderful at the same time. If I'm not changing then I am stagnant. And that feels even worse changing.

Sometimes You Need to Feel Like a 3 Year Old...

Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel like you can't handle one more thing?You can't take one more step without breaking down?

Today I had one of those moments. When it feels like the weight of the world is crashing down and nothing is going right. All you can do is stomp your foot and burst into tears.

Sometimes, a good cry is needed.

My Life on the Sub List

Miss Floyd, why aren't you married? It's because you're too hot and no one can handle you right now. I have the same problem. -8th grade girl

Are you 20? You look really young. - 6th grade girl

7th grade boy: Where did you go to college?

Me: CSU, Channel Islands. Where are you going to go to college?

Boy: Oregon

Me: University of Oregon or Oregon State?

Boy: University of Oregon

Me: What are you going to major in?

Boy: Football

Happiness is:

111. Fireworks over Dodger Stadium while standing ON the grass of the outfield.

112. Introducing the joys of B&N and mags to a 7 year old.

113. Fresh strawberries picked that day!

114. Fishbowl from LDC.

115. "Modern Family" breakfast.

Lent. Part Duex.

Longest 40 days of my life.

I've failed. I've gone on FB numerous times. I never comment, I just casually look around. I actually feel a lot better about the 'Book now. I don't feel as nosy and I definitely don't feel like I am constantly comparing myself to others. SO maybe I didn't really fail. I partially accomplished what I originally set out to do, I no longer feel (as I assume) an addict feels.

Facebook is still something I'm not a complete fan of and hopefully I won't get wrapped up in all of it again.

Happiness is:

I started Happiness is: after I moved back home from New York. I lived in New York for a year doing a year of service. Basically I lived in an apartment made for 1 with 5 people. I lived in poverty and I lived in an area where I was the minority. It was terrible and incredible at the same time.

New York is an incredibly hard place to live. Especially when you are from southern California and the only weather you experience is some rain and wind. Needless to say I was very unprepared for life in a big city, or even a place that has actual weather.

Happiness is: was started because I needed to focus on the things in life that made me happy throughout the day. I was too focused on feeling sad and I needed to divert my attention elsewhere. My goal was to do one daily, and I do have happiness everyday, I just don't always write them down. I've been writing them down on FB, since I am not (ummmm) going on FB for Lent. I will continue them here.

104. Beauty and the Beast at the Pantages with Rebekah.

105. Fireworks on Rebekah's b-day.

106. Rainbows after the rain.

107. Mimosa Sundays with Tony and Courtney.

108. Pink sunsets

109. Fluffy puppies

110. Dodger seats in front row Loge.

Baby!

Some dear friends of mine just found out they are pregnant.

When I got to work on Friday this was waiting for me on my desk!

A pink poodle baby rattle!

I love it!

Their last name is pronounced "shoe".

So some names they are considering:

Tyrone Dam Schuh (tie your own damn shoe)

Brianne New Schuh (brand new shoe)

haha they are great!

They are also going to make absolutely wonderful parents! Congrats Schuhs!!

Beauty and the Beast!

For Rebekah's birthday I took her to see Beauty and The Beast on Broadway.

2 days before I found my "Buty and the Best" Barbie dolls from 4th grade. Naturally I HAD to bring them to The Pantages and whip them out before the show. Then at intermission they had a costume change. The 5 year old girl sitting in front of us was SOOOO jealous. She kept turning around, staring at them and giggling. I felt the same way.

Life is a Waiting Game

For a while now I have been feeling like I am waiting for my life to begin.
Then I read Donald Miller's new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. A fantastic (I may be slightly biased- since I'd marry him in a heartbeat) book about getting out there and living life. It made me feel even worse about my lack of life.
Darn you economy.
Darn you state of California and your horrible budget issues.

Recently I read Cold Tangerines. A book, that at times while reading I was certain that Shauna Niequist had read my journal/we were the same person.

"I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin.
And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin."

My New Life Goal:

"I don’t want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another. That’s the drama of life, swirling all around us, and generally I don’t even see it, because I’m too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting. "

Amen, Shauna, AMEN.

March 17, 2011

St. Patrick's Day! But most importantly Rebekah's birthday!

I have 2 best friends. Coincidentally they both have the same name, and live on opposite sides of the coast. I've always been stingy with the word "best friend", so when I say it, I mean it. Sort of how I also feel about giving hugs.

Rebekah is my soul mate best friend. OR heterosexual life partner.

I met Rebekah working at the summer camp that we both still run. The first time I officially hung out with her I was with my other best, Becky and all three of us went to see Shakespeare in the Park. The rest is history.

Rebekah and I have been friends for about 7 years (this July). Over the course of 7 years we have learned a ton about each other. We've cried, laughed, peed our pants (well...one of us. ahem), t.ped ("decorating"), gone on vacations, road trips, and countless other adventures. She is one of the most honest, loving, giving, and caring people I know. Whenever we are out, and one of us notices something about a person or thing around us, we tell the other person, and they've already seen it. We see the same things. We observe the same things. We laugh at the same things. To quote Blink 182, "I don't think she needs me quite half as much as I know I need her."

About a year ago Rebekah started dating a great guy. I felt extremely jealous that he was taking her away from me and threatened that I would no longer have my best friend around. Or that she wouldn't need me as a best friend anymore. Thankfully they are engaged now and I'm a great third wheel. Besides, she'll need someone to complain to about him, and talk about how much she loves Josh Groban. Sooooo December, 2nd bedroom? Good.

Lent and Why I Had to Give up Facebook.

Every year for Lent I decide that I am going to give something up. One year it was fast food. I did pretty well with that even when mom drove through the in-n-out drive through. Rude. One year it was deciding to not hit the snooze button. That one I did not do well with. I hit it the first morning the alarm went off. Then I reminded myself about an article I read that said the best sleep you get is between snooze button hits. Why deprive myself of that much needed sleep? This could also be the reason I let the alarm/snooze go off for practically an hour before I actually HAVE to be out of bed. Ridiculous. This year I was sort of over the whole idea of giving something up. You're suppose to give something up that takes time away from God and replace that activity with something that will increase your relationship with God. Two days before Lent someone on FB said they were giving FB up for Lent. The next day my good friend Courtney decided that she was also giving up FB. I knew in my heart of hearts that I needed to do that also.

First though, I need to give you a brief history of my relationship with Facebook.
I like FB. And by like I mean that I can spend 2 hours on FB and not even realize it. I'm also really good at FB. I'm too good at FB. The way FB works is that people put things online that they want you to know. If they didn't want you to know they wouldn't put it OR they would delete it. When I say that I am good at FB I mean that my friend can have 2 random comments on his wall from someone who I don't recognize as a normal contributor to his wall and I know that something is up. In fact this happened and of course I was right. He also told me I should work for the FBI. (Don't worry I looked into it already.) This friend of mine also knew that I would be looking and guessed I would ask about it within 4 days. It took me 2. I can't help it I'm curious AND observant.
I can hang out with my best friends and have entire conversations about things that have happened on FB. It's too much. I talk about FB comments ALLLLLLLL the time. It's too, too much. I've even had 2 separate dreams involving FB. ooooookay.
THEN people that I went to high school with add me as friends. I wasn't even friends with some of these people IN high school so the fact that they want to be FB friends OUT of high school is beyond me. It's been 9 years. I've been fine not knowing, I'll be fine now. But noooooo I accept their friend request. Then, of course I have to go their pages and compare my life to theirs. Married. Kids. Job. Me: 0.
Not only am I disgusted with the fact that FB is actually my only socializing, and I talk about it all the time BUT it also lowers my self-concept. I read an article on CNN.com that said that young adults were now having "thrisis". (http://articles.cnn.com/2010-11-09/living/generation.thrisis_1_somethings-social-networking-adulthood?_s=PM:LIVING)

The article basically says that people nearing 30 (me. ugggggh) are going through a mini crisis because we are on FB and comparing ourselves to our peers. Nailed that one. Like I don't already feel badly that I have no job, husband or kids, but now I have to see pictures and posts about people younger than me with all that. No thank you.

I've vacillated between deactivating my account or just leaving it. I can't decide. I've made FB such a part of my day-to-day life that I feel like I'd be missing out on so much if I deleted my account. Then again, maybe I wouldn't feel so badly about my lack of "traditional" adult milestones.

The Paris Wife

I've been reading The Paris Wife. It is about Hadley, Ernest Hemingway's first wife.
She was 29 when they married, he was 21.

I love this book. It reminds me a lot of A Moveable Feast by Hemingway. Coincidentally they are written about the same time frame. I'm not sure what exactly I love so much about them.

I think I would have loved Paris in 20's. The sheer Bohemian lifestyle that they lived there. Hanging out with up-and-coming artists and writers, expatriates living in Paris.

Maybe I've just romanticized Paris so much that anything I read about it makes me long to go even more.

I love that the author has given Hadley a voice. I love this book.

My Life on the Sub List 1st Grade

A first grader told me that I had an "elf ear".

1st grader: I want to kiss you.

me: Ohhhhh, no. That's okay.

1st grader: I know, i've just been thinking about it.

I turned around and one of the boys had colored his nose blue.

My Life on The Sub List

I had to send a 5th grader to the principal. Don't worry he had already been there once today because they thought he started a fire in the bathroom yesterday. How does that even happen?

A 1st grader asked me for my "texting number" so he could text me later.

‎"If I see one more paper cell phone I am going to take it and make long distance phone calls with it. Making your phone bill really high."
-me to a class of 5th graders